Most of us were taught that setting clear goals is the secret to success. But what happens when the very thing meant to guide us starts to get in our way?
When we grip too tightly to a goal, it can shift from being a compass to a cage. Instead of motivating us, it begins to define us. Success becomes rigid. Failure feels personal. We lose sight of what really matters.
This is what I call The Goals Trap — a place where external validation takes over and striving turns into self-sabotage. A place where we mistake the path for the purpose.
The illusion of control
We live with the pervasive narrative that says, if you want something badly enough, you just need to persevere to achieve it. But real life is more complex.
Maybe you’ve applied for 50 jobs and haven’t landed a single interview. Or you’ve pitched your services to 12 potential clients and none of them say yes. You keep showing up, doing the work, and still, no traction.
What we’re rarely taught is that even the clearest, smartest goals depend on variables we can’t control — timing, other people’s decisions, market shifts, energy levels, luck. When we don’t account for these variables, we make failure personal. We see a "no" as a reflection of our worth instead of a reflection of reality.
In those moments, we outsource our power. We forget that the goal is just one possible path — not the destination.
Let your values be the destination
So if goals aren’t the destination, what is?
In my years of coaching creative minds (and walking this path myself) I’ve come to believe that the real destination is your values. The deeper purpose no one can take from you, the principles that bring meaning to your life and guide you toward fulfillment.
When you pursue a goal, it's essential to ask: Where is this coming from? Is it rooted in something within you — like creativity, growth, financial stability, connection? Or is it driven by something outside of you — recognition, control, comparison, or the need to prove something?
There’s nothing wrong with ambition. But when ambition isn’t anchored in values, the journey becomes brittle. A failed job application, a marketing campaign with low engagement, or a workshop that doesn’t get attendance hits harder when we’re only measuring success by outcomes. But when a goal serves your values, the process itself retains meaning, even when the result isn’t what you hoped for.
Think like a scientist: experiment, observe, adjust
Let’s borrow a mindset from science, that every goal is a hypothesis.
A scientist doesn’t run one experiment, get an unexpected result, and spiral into self-doubt. They take the result seriously — but not personally. They use it to inform the next round. They expect to be surprised and welcome unexpected results because they provide insight.
What if you approached your goals the same way?
You post an idea that gets little engagement? Data point.
You go on dates and none turn into a relationship? Data point.
You reach out to investors and no one replies? Data point.
When your goal is part of an ongoing experiment, “failure” becomes feedback. It’s not the end, it’s information. This is the shift from a fixed mindset (if I don’t get the result, I’ve failed) to a growth mindset (what am I learning here?). It’s about replacing judgment with curiosity and building resilience through iteration.
Expect the falls
Even with a growth mindset, it still hurts when something doesn’t land.
You pour your heart into a client pitch that gets completely looked over. You’re ghosted after a date you thought had potential. You prep for an event for weeks and only three people show up. The worst thing you can do in those moments is bypass the discomfort with forced positivity.
Instead, pause and check in. What are you feeling — disappointment, embarrassment, exhaustion, fear? Let it be true. Feel it, name it, and move through it.
Growth isn’t about being unshakeable. It’s about being recoverable. When you expect the falls, you can plan for the bounce back. You create space to acknowledge, process, reframe, and return with more clarity than before.
Gain perspective with a reality check
This is where a reality check can be transformative. Sometimes, you’re applying for jobs you genuinely want. You’re pitching to aligned clients. You’re showing up for something that reflects your deepest values — and still, nothing's landing. And that stings.
Say you’re going for creative director roles because you’re deeply creative and want to lead and produce meaningful work. That goal makes perfect sense. But if the interviews aren’t coming, or the offers keep going elsewhere, it’s time to zoom out — not give up.
Ask yourself:
What’s really happening here?
Are there patterns I’m not seeing?
Are there other ways I could honour these same values — creativity, leadership, collaboration — without waiting for someone else’s “yes”?
What might another path look like?
Could you lead your own project? Take on contract work that builds your body of work? Mentor a team in a different capacity?
Inviting a reality check doesn’t mean abandoning your vision. It means widening your field of view. It means remembering that a title, company, or format is just one possible route — not the only one.
This is how you stay rooted in purpose while remaining open to the many ways it can unfold.
Focus on intentions, not outcomes
Whilst our goals in life aren’t always tied to creative pursuits, it’s helpful to imagine the example of an artist when considering intentions over outcomes.
Imagine a painter who receives poor reviews for a show. Each artwork itself is a pure labour of love and imagination – of the creative act itself. When the negative reviews come (as they do for us all, at one time or another), does the artist decide to never paint again? Or does the artist feel the pain of the poor reception but continue to paint because they value creativity and expression above all else? Perhaps the artist uses a different medium next time, focuses on another theme, or finds a completely different outlet for their creative expression but they don’t abandon it altogether. And if they do give up, perhaps creative expression was never the value that underpinned their work to begin with.
Life doesn’t bend to your goals just because you set them. Be open to evolving your goals, and bending your path, whilst allowing your values to anchor you through it all.
Let your values guide you — always
Your values are not fragile. They doesn’t vanish when someone says no. They don’t disappear when something flops.
Your goals are just possible paths — some will dead-end, others will open unexpectedly. Let them bend. Let them evolve. Just don’t lose sight of what you’re really here for. Keep walking in the direction of what matters most.