How to Sit in Discomfort: Lessons from Yoga
Discomfort is an inherent part of life so being able to coexist with it is golden.
When I was 18, fresh out of school, I started practising yoga. I didn’t fully understand what it was at first but I was drawn to it. The first studio I went to was no joke. The music was filled with repetitive chanting, many people were in loose fitting cotton rather than lycra, the air was filled with incense smoke, and the walls were covered with black and white photos of sacred teachers and yogis. I was intimidated but I loved it.
Pretty soon I became aware that my gymnastics training would only get me so far. Yoga, I realised, was less about perfecting a form to be admired, and more about deepening a sense of harmony within yourself and with the world around you. And a big part of this journey is centred around sitting in discomfort. Meaning, you can remain present and calm without reacting negatively or seeking instant relief from the unease.
Discomfort is an inherent part of life, there’s no escaping it, especially if we see life as an opportunity to experience new things, learn, and evolve. When we practise sitting in discomfort it puts us on a path of awareness, growth, resilience and ultimately, harmony. In a yoga practice, we sit in discomfort through practicing challenging postures, prolonged holds, or deep stretches, as well as in facing our thoughts and emotions during meditation. In work and life, we have the opportunity to sit in discomfort all the time. For instance…
waiting in a long line at the airport,
sitting in an uncomfortable conversation,
giving or receiving feedback,
letting someone learn through experience versus jumping in and taking over,
learning a new skill or deepening an old one,
anticipating a job outcome,
waiting for someone to text you back,
delaying gratification,
sitting in boredom,
sitting with your raw emotions,
anticipating an election result,
…the list goes on.
Like yoga, a fundamental part of the coaching practice is about learning to sit in discomfort for the same reasons - to help you create awareness, resilience, inner harmony and stability. As with all meaningful things in life, sitting in discomfort is a practice. Of course with time, you get better and better at it but it is a practice just the same.
Practising Sitting In Discomfort
The following guidance is meant to be universal. Meaning, it is available and useful in all contexts of life - from the yoga mat to the board room and everything in between.
Picking one technique to start off with is the best way to go about it as it’s hard for the brain to remember all the tools in the toolbox at first. When the first technique begins to stick, try adding another one and then another and so on.
1. Observe Without Reacting
Notice the discomfort without labeling it as “bad” or “wrong.” Instead, try observing the physical or emotional sensations neutrally. For example, if you're stuck in traffic and feel your frustration rising, notice the tightness in your chest or the urge to tap your fingers on the steering wheel without judgement.
Practice letting go of any need to escape or change the sensation. Just notice it as it is and allow it to exist. This can be especially challenging when the discomfort is intense, like when you're delivering difficult feedback to an employee, but allowing yourself to acknowledge the desire to escape (without acting on it) can help you respond more skillfully.
2. Focus on the Breath
Use slow, deep breathing to stay calm and steady your mind. Focusing on the breath can help you stay present and ease the tension that often arises in uncomfortable situations. For instance, if you're about to have a difficult conversation with a team member, taking a few deep breaths beforehand can help you approach the interaction with more composure.
Try breathing techniques like ujjayi (victorious breath) or box breathing (inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four). These can be especially helpful when you feel your heart rate rising during a stressful moment.
3. Ground Yourself in the Present
Bring awareness to specific points of contact, like feeling your feet on the ground or pressing your fingertips together and focusing on the touch sensation. This anchors you in the moment which can be especially helpful when you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed, like when you're waiting to hear the results of a job interview.
Use grounding techniques, such as counting your breaths or repeating a word or phrase (like “calm” or “I am here”) to stay centered. These can provide a steady anchor when you're emotions are overwhelming like when you feel nervous before giving a presentation.
4. Lean into Curiosity
Ask yourself questions like ‘how am I feeling right now? What is this bringing up for me? No need to analyse why you feel a certain way but just sit with what you feel and let it be ok. For example, if you find yourself feeling jealous of a friend's success, you can get curious about where that emotion is coming from without judging it.
Focus on the people and environments around you, be curious about them for curiosities sake. This can be a helpful strategy when you're stuck in a boring meeting or waiting in a long line - instead of getting frustrated, you can shift your attention to observing the others around you with an attitude of genuine interest.
5. Reframe it as an Opportunity
Reframe discomfort as a growth opportunity rather than a threat. Remind yourself that discomfort is an inherent part of growth and building resilience. This can be a powerful mindset shift when you're facing a difficult challenge, like learning a new skill that's outside your comfort zone.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion can help soften the experience, making it more sustainable. Rather than forcing yourself through discomfort, approach it with kindness and patience. Again, remind yourself that discomfort is a natural part of growth. For example, if you're feeling ashamed after an embarrassing moment, treating yourself with compassion can help you move forward more constructively.
7. Remember it’s Temporary
Like everything, this too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever. And most likely, this particular moment of discomfort will be over relatively quickly, especially if it is followed up with a learner's mindset and gratitude.
When discomfort lingers after the experience has passed, it’s because we are reliving it over and over again and fueling the emotions on a cycle. This is where it is paramount to have the ability to manage any follow-on rumination and release left over emotion consciously. For instance, if you find yourself constantly replaying a difficult conversation in your mind, try to consciously shift your focus to the present moment like you do in meditation. Be ok if you need to refocus over and over again, the brain loves to revisit the past in order to try and make sense of it but usually we need to focus on letting go of it instead.